Crazy Uncle Mike

Don’t Fight Naked!

Back in college, I met a girl named Lisa, she lived in the same dorm with me.  She was cute and sexy and if we’re going to be honest here, more than a little easy.  She had a reputation around the dorm and while it was certainly exaggerated, it wasn’t wholly inaccurate.  Now if we’re going to be really honest, I had a bit of a similar reputation myself, also certainly exaggerated and not wholly inaccurate.  Given these realities and although I was definitely interested in hooking up with Lisa, I didn’t pursue her.  Her roommate dated a guy who lived across the hall from me so Lisa and I ran into each other often.  People hung out a lot in her roommate’s boyfriend’s room so we’d often end up in the room sitting together chatting.  Guys were constantly coming on to Lisa, so the fact that I didn’t, seemed to intrigue her and ramp up her interest in me.  After a time, it seemed like she was starting to come on to me, I was not unhappy about this.

It culminated one afternoon when she popped by my dorm room just to chat.  I was laying on my bed when she knocked on the door, I said, “come in” and she walked in, came over and sat on the bed while I was laying there, innocently talking with me.  Suddenly, she leaned down and kissed me and we started making out, she stopped, got up and walked toward the door.  I was confused, wondering if I’d done something wrong and then smiled when she locked the door.  She came back to the bed and undid my pants and proceeded to give me one of the best blow jobs I’ve ever had. 

The problem was, and you’ll understand how my mind might have wandered, I had ordered a pizza.  Things were getting to a climactic point when there was a knock on the door, “Dominos.”  I was completely torn between sex and pizza, and not wanting to have to choose, I decided to try and get both, “one minute I yelled.”  Lisa picked up the pace and we were just about there when another knock on the door, “one minute,” I yelled in a high pitched squeal, when my cousin, who also attended the college yelled, “let me in.”  At that moment everything exploded and I let out a huge groan.  Lisa quickly zipped me up and said, “I have to go.”  She bolted out the door to the relief of the delivery guy, who also ended up giving her a ride, and my cousin bursting out in fits of laughter in the hall.  It was a great pizza.

I didn’t’ see Lisa for a week or so, when we finally bumped into each other one night in the room across the hall.  I ended up walking her back to her room so that we could chat and happily, everything was cool between us but she was acting a little coy.  Finally, she said, “hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?”  I told her nothing and we made plans to get together.  We ended up heading downtown to a bar, had a couple of drinks and came back to the dorm.  Lisa invited me back to her room and when we got there her roommate smiled, said “I’m staying at Harry’s tonight.”  Then with a smirk added, “feel free to use my bed.”  I had been completely set up, not unhappily at all.  Especially because the bed in question was a water bed.  What can I say, I’m a child of the 70’s, having sex in a water bed was a serious fantasy.  So things proceeded as they will and we ended up having sex a couple of times and yes, friends, water beds are a lot of fun.

It had to be about 3AM when I woke suddenly to see a dude standing in the room, looking over at Lisa’s bed, whispering, “Lisa, Lisa are you here?”  I realized quickly that he didn’t realize Lisa was with me in her roommates bed, and being naked, I was hoping like hell he’d just go away, while simultaneously thinking why the hell didn’t we lock the door?!  He was turning around to leave when suddenly Lisa wakes up, “John?!” Shit, here we go.  He screams, “Lisa, what the fuck?” Then he slams his fist into the wall and storms out, I ask her who the hell is he, she says, “my boyfriend,” as she jumps up to follow him fully naked, I yell at her and throw my t-shirt at her.  She’s putting it on as she leaves, then it suddenly hits me, holy shit, boyfriend, if this dude comes back looking to fight I’m naked, I can’t fight naked!  So I quickly dress, shirtless, wait for the expected angry boyfriend to return, and after a couple of minutes realize he probably isn’t and head back to my room.

Lisa wouldn’t show up for almost a week, but one afternoon I get a light knock on my door and there she is apologizing.  She’s sorry for what happened, embarrassed, gives me back my shirt, which nicely she had washed.  Then she explains it’s her boyfriend from back home, he had driven up to surprise her, he definitely succeeded with that.